InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Take candy from strangers."

arionhunter (arionhunter) wrote,
@ 2008-06-12 11:54:00

Gender thoughts
Copy of a comment I left in my LJ. Saved for posterity.

For me, it's weird in that I can dress well and be confident, but then be placed in situations where my confident dress makes me more of a target. The most recent one (where I did feel unsafe) was at a police station. I was sitting in the room doing my job, getting I/O reports (basic police reports), while the all-male cops were arguing about a case. One cop was agitated at something else and grew increasingly so all the time I was here. By the time I was ready to leave, he was very close to yelling.

As I'm leaving, one cop says to me, joking, "Stick around ma'am. It's about to get interesting." I mumbled some kind of response and then got out of the room as fast as I could because I knew I was other and not welcome. Female other in what was a male fraternity moment, but also other as someone who looks to fit the butch lesbian stereotype (which is especially bad in the more gender-restrictive rural South).

All I remember thinking once I got in my car is that I was glad I hadn't made yesterday a sportcoat day.

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mercurychaos
2008-06-12 09:47 pm UTC (link)

I know exactly what you mean... on the one hand when I dress up, I like wearing button-up shirts with collars and ties and things like that because I just thing they look good on me and are way more comfortable than wearing a dress. At the same time I sometimes can't help but thing "wow, I'm totally fulfilling the stereotype here" (and I actually am gay, so... eheh. ^^;) and wondering if everyone else in the room is thinking the same. I don't let it bother me to the point that I would stop dressing how I want, and I think if anyone ever said anything about it I'd tell them to mind their own business... but still, it's awkward at best.

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arionhunter
2008-06-12 10:18 pm UTC (link)

And in my case, there's several other factors involved. I'm on the job as a journalist, and down here my appearance could really put the wrong people off and keep them from speaking to me. Journalists (for newspapers), by and large, are taught to fill their gender-ascribed roles, dress-wise, pretty tightly. [I knew I had the wrong major when I looked around one of my j-school classes and was the only one who didn't look like they could walk into a nice restaurant and have the host look at them funny.]

And like I said, pretty small-town deep South. I'd like to think I'm generally safe, but I catch myself watching my back and censoring actions like holding hands with my best friend. When at school, I don't go out much on football game days and when I do it's to "safe" areas.

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mercurychaos
2008-06-12 10:29 pm UTC (link)

I'm from Dallas, Texas... well, actually I'm from a little redneck suburb of Dallas, but it's close enough. And when I do "go out" it's usually in Dallas, and while people there aren't exactly liberal, I've never felt unsafe.

The college I go to is in small-town Iowa, and people there generally don't make you feel threatened if they don't like the looks of you, they'll just kind of avoid you and glance at you suspiciously. And if they have to talk to you they'll be so pleasant it's disgusting... they may be shallow, narrow-minded WASPs, but they certainly don't want to upset anyone.

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